The voice: One reason I quit my day job

I often feel there is this supressed voice within me which is trys to surface sometimes but gets hindered by my job and a myriad other mundane things I have to care of. Subconcsiously I feel its presence most of the times but my consciousness looses it completely when its preoccupied with the material consumeristic world.

The voice is vague, I cannot put a finger on it. I do not even know if its for real or a figment of my imagination. Sometimes I feel it a little more clearly under the influence of alcohol. Yes, I do suspect the alcohol playing tricks on me, but after plenty of objective observation (if there is anything like that) I feel the influence loosens some nuts in my brains which have been tightened due to societal conditioning and enables me to see and feel the true essence of issues (for lack of a better term).

Reminds me of the controversial book I read some years back: The Teachings of Don Juan: A Yaqui Way of Knowledge refeered to me by my old friend JSB. In it, the author goes off to live with some yuaqi sorcerers who experince reality in nonordinary ways by using certain substances.

Also, the book I am currently reading, The Snow Leapord, where the auther has vieled references to the use (abuse?) of substances for blurring ego boundaries while under the influence and experience “oneness” with the universe akin to the enlightenment of the Buddha.

Getting back to the point, (and no I am not going through any of the routes above), quitting the day job is a small attempt to hear that voice better, if it is there at all.

My current problem is clinging to my old life and routine so much that I can not ahieve the detachment for a larger perspective. On the other hand, there is this fear in me, that actually achieving that would be an irreversible process, one that might lead me down a path which will lead to a rebirth to a completely new life.

I have left the beach and jumped in, swimming around in the shallows but am afraid to loose sight of the shore to head for the open ocean.


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